autumn tactics

今日も有難うございました。これだけで幸せ過ぎます。

感謝です。

Thank you.

How long has it been, I can’t remember…

Thirty years old and still a fool.

But I think that’s ok. It means I really haven’t changed inside.

Here’s to the foolish me. Cheers.

So it’s come to my last day in Thailand. There has been so much packed into the first three days, routinely stating early in the morning, that I really can’t keep track of what’s happened I was thinking of going to Ko Kret today, but I’m so exhausted that I think I may just wander around Bangkok, taking the odd snapshot and looking for some groovy threads.

I wanted to have a mellow time and find some peace in visitn Ayutthaya, but the pressure I put upon myself to take pictures along with my health and the environment did just the opposite. By the end of the day I was so sick of photographing ruins that I couldn’t even finish the last four shots of Ektachrome on the roll. I was so aggravated that I was cursing everything under the sun for the bus ride home. The irony of this pitiful egotism was not lost on me, and I felt more than a little guilty for missing the point entirely. How pompous and superficial my thinking becomes at times. I need to reflect on this.

Buddhism isn’t about statues or temples, castles or amulets, it’s like most religions, a way of believing and acting, and one I haven’t been too good at. Just need to stop and think, without falling asleep for once.

Sometimes you come back to things and they aren’t just what you expect them to be. Times change. People change. That’s the way the cards fall, and you have to be ready to adapt to it.

Being back in southeast Asia is envigorating. The streetside chaos and crumbling disarray of public infrastructure is a nice change to the polished avenues I walk back home.

Boats, paint, trucks,
pastel, odd distribution of space
I’m stronger now, but more somber growing up, growing deeper into something.
Something here but not clear yet.
Something missing.
First breakfast.

There’s always something dramatic about international travel, I’ve been in and out of the coutnry four times in the alst year and it still doesn’t get old. Maybe it’s because any reason worth spending over fifteen hundred dollars and a week for is a big deal; it better be for those kind of resources. The first time I flew on a plane as an adult was for my Microsoft job in 2000, ten years ago. I was such a rookie back then, wet behind the ears and fumbling through airports…

This time I’m heading to Thailand, my first visit to southeast Asia in six years. I’m travelling as usual with the prime motivation to shoot some new locations. I have my trustworthy A-1 and about 15 rolls of film with me, backed up by the Konica MG/D. I’m going to visit the ruins of old Thailand, a place I envision as quiet and mysterious, like something from Ico or Illusion of Gaia. There are about twelve temples for me to visit on my list, so I definitely have my work cut out for me.

assigning value to things
artificial life on print, in film
learning more about silver halides
the simple joy of pure science

There’s something I was supposed to do today… lots of things, actually. But for the life of me I can’t remember any of them. I am alive, very much so, but exhausted to my core and rind. There is an effervescent haze that encircles my every thought like a Shanghai summer, coughing up black.

Tomorrow I leave for Thailand, fulfilling my two international trips a year quota early. I want to be quiet and peaceful, I want to say little and listen much, I want to walk through ruins that look like the set of Ico and have ages’ old Buddhism seep into my subway-texting deadened pores and give me some kind of vibrance deeper than I can extract from any brown, small caffeine-laced bottle.

Oh the road so far out it doesn’t even make sense from a map or my mind. The texture of stone.

この24時間はどうしてのか空前な写真家として充実な一日でした。昨日PLACE Mのワークショップに写真を見せずに90分の他の人の写真をじっくり分析した。他の素人をみると、自分がどこで前に間違えたのか振り替えて、まだ間違えてるところを洗い出す。目が覚めた。

昨夜遅くまで誕生日会で、午後までゆっくりして、SHANEを視て分析した。監督の精選はなぜそういう風にした。なるほど。

午後からMASUO亭の写真を撮るのが依頼されて、店の魅力を表現するために5Dと露出的にアンダーの環境で挑戦した。それ後夜with triangleの伊藤さんと出版業界について下北のFREE FACTORYに話し合いました。

紹介してくれたり、熱心が移ったり、レベルアップさせたり．．．

感謝。

感激。

昨日代休を取って、海に行った。初めてクラゲが刺すの経験した。変な感じ。

今日色々作品を整理して、写真ワークショップ久しぶり出席した。夜にマイちゃんの誕生日会．．．カラオケ、ボウリング。なっくんが居た。古い友達と楽しめた。新しい人と知り合った。

心の中で、懐かしい好奇心が生えた。思案しています。

やわらかくて刺激的。

Waiting is.

This week is an off-week artistically. I was hoping to have the house spic-n-span to hit the ground running next Monday, but work this week has slowed things down a little bit. Tomorrow is a big day at the office, and it’s looking like I’ll miss out on the Sumidagawa fireworks festival again this year… really wanted to go, but, duty calls.

MOST important this weekend is getting thank you cards in the mail for each and every person that took the time to come out and see my show. One thing that my mentor Randy Pausch always stressed was the importance of hand-written thank you notes for people. In this day and age especially, the personal touch counts, and an artist is nothing without his audience.

Thanks guys again, I promise to have as beautiful Japanese as I can muster in the mail for you this weekend.

Keiko, have a lovely time in Thailand, scout it out for me!

All I can say is…

感謝です。

Thank you, everyone.

It’s hot again, but pleasingly so. Sitting on the edge of the sofa right now in front of the fan feels good. The moist spots in the backs of my elbows are sticky-soft. It would be so nice to just fall asleep here now, though I have the feeling it would alienate my customers to be so relaxed. I’ve made up the gallery to be cozy. The sofa has my blankets from home, the coffee table is adorned with my albums and a flower bouquet. The super maneki neko smiles on his pillow. Ah, peace of midday. World traveller Keiko stopped by on her way back from the store to give me a cold bottle of tea.

It may be the heat and the fatigue, but this is surreal. It’s easy to forget why I’m here, in fact I’m not even sure anymore, it’s like a dream. It must be too early to be patting myself on the back… I put so much emphasis on the setup that I may be off the mark on the execution. But so drowsy, so comfortable.

舌を巻いた。

Today has been the wildest and most dynamic day I’ve had all week. It’s just before eight o’clock and I’m enjoying the first lull since one-thirty. A lot of my co-workers came by, bring family members and friends, probably close to thirty people in total. I also had a chance to talk passionately about photography to several passers by, doing the best I could to construct Japanese robust enough to suit my granite theories and formulaic processes that build the framework for my photographic method.

My feet are aching and I’ve been sweating constantly for the last seven and a half hours, but it feels wonderful. People have come to support me, with beers and flowers, with smiles and compliments. All of the stress and fatigue is ground into my muscles like pepper worked with raw steak, and the dense moisture of effort, worry, and community laces the humid air. I am fortunate, blessed, exhausted and frazzled. To be honest, I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

今週があっという間に終わって、もう週末と信じられない。先週と同じに、仕事が終わったら飲みにいって、心の底から疲れました。筋肉が痛い。頭がふわふわ。11時まで寝ていたけど熟睡できなかった。

今の問題が80％ストレスと分かってるけど簡単に直せない。今日楽しめるように努力します。

今日は客さん色々来てもらって、良い一日でした。夜に出版業界の人たちが見てもらって、写真集について色々話せました。段々こういう人たちに会いたい。

視覚芸術、音楽、出版、雑誌、編集、など。

自分をセルフプロデュースして、他の人から色々学んで身に付けて技術を磨いを掛けたい。