August 24th, 2003
End of summer
Though a little late (given I disclosed the information to a certain party manually already), here is the last entry penned during my fabulous summer vacation. Now that it’s a week later the impact is beginning to wear off and leaving me feeling lousy and confused again, but oh well. There’s not like I can do anything about it anyway and it would probably just bore you to hear me talk about it more.
…Originally recorded August 17th…
So I’m sitting on the floor in the end of a car on the Hikari Superexpress. It’s hot, I suppose that the tails of the train aren’t air conditioned. Two hours and forty-four minutes to Tokyo. My contacts are in so I can’t sleep yet, but we’ll see how that goes. I just survived a potentially disasterous event: Nobue and I had coffee. I give myself a 9.2 actually; no one cried and I didn’t beg or ask for a thing. True to my form I made my feelings quite clear and said that I wasn’t over her and I wanted to be able to understand her and give her what she needed, to complete her. Other than that it was pretty amicable: how was work? what am I doing? what she’s working on….God she was beautiful. So beautiful it made my fingernails ache not to touch her.
She said she’d never met up with an ex-boyfriend before, but she wanted to see me, so I guess that counts for something. Our mutual friend had told her the day before that I was in Nara, so she called me today when I was at lunch in Osaka. To say that I lost all power in my limbs and voice is an understatement. It was a damn good thing sitting down, seriously. There are so many paths my conscious mind could follow now that would send me into the throes of suffering, but I’m not even going to enumerate them. I’m taking out my contacts and going to sleep.
What the hell am I going to do with myself?
