October 3rd, 2003
Living in black, white, and imbalanced chemicals (pt 2)
It’s cool outside…62 and there’s a certain elasticity in my knees I’m unfamiliar with, like a young boxer entering the ring for the first time. The buildings near my apartment are tall, dark slate monoliths each with a crown of blue light and a logo. My head feels like twenty-five pounds, but I can’t sleep. There is a strange sort of ionization in my blood, like vigor and expectation diffused into toxic lethargy. Again I can sense the flux of stasis wash over me…the real me striated patches of abnormal DNA in muscle tissue. I am unsure of what threshold I’m skirting, but I feel as if one of the forces will soon succumb to the other, and I’ll either be in coma-like hibernation or something quite opposite yet undiscovered.
The fatigue deep in my organs is dulling my outward reaction…I can feel vitality and excitement that normally would augment and extend my every movement, but instead is motion wrapped in gauze. With a mind full of feathered spores the coarsing stream of my thought is silent. There is a small, pitiful vine that grows from around a blunt stump at the end of a parking lot through the chain-link fence outside my building. During the day, long, trumpetlike purple flowers unwind to inhale the sun, but lately the cool nights have seen the plant’s extremities shrink and wither to dry husks. I wonder how many more days it will be before this defiant lifeform finds its end and becomes little more than a decaying carbon film on the unyielding synthetic barrier, a memory kept by none. I want to photograph it tomorrow so I can revere its life and how it embraced the sprawling earth before evaporating.
Yano-san said that after extended periods of time without R.E.M. sleep the brain’s thought patterns begin to change. I wonder if my manic malaise of euphoria comes from years of an unsatiated need for rest.
Again, I must entreat you to listen to DJ Tiesto – Nyana disc two.
