October 10th, 2003
We Form in Crystals (really starting to lose control)
Have you played Star Ocean 2? Aside from the ever-annoying “.. … ….” bubbles (further reinforcing how Japanese derive satisfaction through enduring mindless repetition), it’s a pretty good game. I think. I’ve been told. I got maybe 40 minutes in, but haven’t played it in many months as I made the oh-so-common zealous gamer/romantic mistake of naming the heroine after my then-girlfriend.
I want to write. A lot. Everyday. I want to write so much the frustration of not writing joins the frothing river of anguish I carry from my work and deteriorating health. More precisely, I am unable to write because my nights are as much pain as the laborious days. I can’t recall a day when I didn’t wake up feeling nauseated and about to throw up from fatigue. My memory is failing me, and I can’t concentrate on anything for more than ten minutes at a time. I’m going to a clinic next week to beg mercy and help with my rapidly dissolving grip on sanity. The amount of things I want (and know I can with normal health) to do is increasing asymptotically to my careening grip on basic life maintenance. If you know me, pray for me. I need it.
