February 19th, 2004
107804300627440933
Vitamin C can save your life
A popular axiom here is that there is no minor ailment that can’t be cured (or prevented) with an astronomical dose of vitamins and protein synthetics. Every convenience store great and small will assuredly carry a vast array of vial-sized bottles and cold packs, each touting several orders of magnitude in excess of the US RDA for some nutrient. How much the body can benefit from a five thousand milligram tablet of vitamin C I don’t know, but it sure does taste great.
When I worked for one of the evil corporations, I had a crazy, militant friend named Jeff. He prided himself on threatening TCBY managers in defense of abused soft-serve girls, and carrying two sizeable hunting knives while facing the dangers of VHS tape return. He talked often (in between assertions that he would rob a bank) about quitting the pit-stained blue collar world of video rental, and driving to Mexico to enjoy a life of unprotected sex with cheap whores and tequila. His strategy for deflecting the almost certain torrent of maladies that would befall him was hermetic- fifty grams of penicillin and a sack full of oranges. This plan of eternal health through the saturation of base antibiotics reminds me a lot of those tiny bottles of alphanumeric supplements available for a mere third of my daily food stipend. If being inundated with fruit extracts can’t save us, what can?
