August 22nd, 2004
109315169070907702
A beautiful life
I went to temple yesterday seeking advice. I struck the gong to wake the buddha, and threw two hundred yen into the offering box. I bowed deeply and pressed my hands together. I closed my eyes and asked for guidance. Where had I gone wrong? What was I missing? How did I get here? Why are some things going well, while others are reaching an all-time low? Who have I become? When was the last time I felt balance? My mind was black, with the faintest hints of light around the sides. Then it appeared.
It wasn’t a maybe, or a possibly, or even a perhaps, but it was there, and it was so clear I could see the edges like a newly engraved coin. It stood out in perfect focus, whether it was my answer or not, it was vivid, and it pressed itself into my conscience like a a stone seal into hot wax.
I don’t know if who I am will change because of it, but I want to believe so. I want so badly for this to be the answer I’ve been looking for, the road to a better place, and an end to the rotten fumes that creep out of my footsteps. Please.
I want the neon and the plastic to meld with the rain and the wood. To live in harmony with the future and the past, spreading more kindness and peace than I consume.
