RPGs are like girls
That’s what I’m thinking right now, trying to decide what I what to spend my precious evening doing. I mean, I could out, but I’d be by myself and it would cost money, which I really don’t have. So, nix that idea and be a homebody [loser!].
Then we have movie watching, which feels like a waste of time because I’m not _doing_ anything, and there’s getting a jump start on tomorrow’s Thanksgiving Dinner cooking, which I’ll probably end up putting together in a little anyway.
So…use the computer to work on a hobby? No, I hate computers. I can’t believe I’m typing this right now. The only reason I am is because I was SO driven by the aforementioned entry title that I knew I could/had to hammer something out in less than fifteen minutes. But yes, video games.
RPGs are like girls for a number of reasons, and like so many other corny lame comedy email forwards, I will post them here in list format, illustrating my point. No, wait. That’s too lame. I need real sentences and continuity. Ok, take two.
RPGs are like girls essentially because they both require a substantial investment of time and patience and it’s not clear from the start whether it’ll be worth the effort in the long run. Right now I am playing Chrono Cross, which won from a suite of three games (Saga Frontier 2, Lunar: Eternal Blue), as it had the highest score of the three on Game Rankings. Ninety-two percent makes it seem like a damn fine game. If only it were so.
Don’t tease me like that. Just, you know, don’t.
The combat system is boring and ungratifying. Given, I have not read the manual so I guess I can’t say I understand it completely but the dry tone Devin Morgan takes when giving his “boss strategies” [attack to build up your level, use attack elements and repeat] is completely on target. That seems to be about it. No big summons, no awesome weapons or special skills (one of my characters attacks with a slotted spoon), and the most mindless button mashing that puts even certain beat-em-ups to shame. It’s not hard either, I’ve died only once and that was because I wasn’t really even looking at the screen. Every battle is a yawn and just takes too long, getting in the way of the location-hopping. The story, invariably the most important part of an RPG to me, is weak and after seven hours has yet to produce any drama or emotional attachment.
Like Chrono Trigger [a very good game], the main character doesn’t directly say anything, supposedly so I can more easily assume his role, but this just ends up irritating me with its indifference. One of the reasons I stand by Final Fantasy IX is because the lead character has a strong personality with depth. He’s honorable, cocky, and has a decent sense of humor (something rare among lead characters). I can’t say the same for Serge (I named him Rouille). He just floats along mutely shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head. An additional rough point for me is the most interesting character, Kid (aka Eilonwy), is not even the hero’s love interest (that would be spoon girl). And from what I’m seeing now she’s going to end up with stupid old Korcha (aka Limpy), because he has already gotten her to agree to consider marrying him for use of his boat (how romantic). Given my experience with secondary characters taking wives, once it’s declared, even if it seems unlikely, it almost always ends up that way. Then again, Kid doesn’t even exhibit special feelings for Serge anyway, he went back in time to save her life and she just said thanks. I know she’s tough, but that’s pretty damn cold if you ask me.
So, like I said, RPGs are like girls. I’m finding it very difficult to hang in there with Chrono Cross, especially when I’ve got like fifty other games to play, some of which I’ve already beaten. Vice City in particular is has been calling lately with all the 80s radio I’ve been listening to at work. Here again, just like girls. Vice City is the old flame that ended too soon. Yeah, you had your problems, your fights, disagreements in fashion, z-buffer issues and saved games erased, but in the end it was probably some of the best thirty-five hours you ever spent with a curvy piece of plastic. It was good, it ended, and you had to move on. Now you’re seeing someone else who you really weren’t that crazy about from the start, and it’s starting to get really hard not noticing that the old flame is back in town. You had a cup of coffee, but you’re not sure you want to do anything else. You KNOW it’ll be good, so gratifying, but… it’ll just make you want more and destroy the thing you got going with the vapid, emotionless job you have waiting at home. And I can never walk away from an RPG. At least I don’t THINK I can. I never have, though I’ve been forced out of one (cough Parasite Eve 2 cough).
So, I lied to myself again. Fifteen minutes became twenty-two, without hyperlinks and the optional inline picture. So, I gotta go. Gotta go and make the stuffing, and gotta go back to my drab, over-praised fan favorite and bond for a couple more hours.
Oh and I almost forgot, there is virtually NO MUSIC whatsoever in CC!! The soundtrack is like a half-done seventh grade diorama of Eskimos made from sugar cubes and Lego Men still wearing their medieval knight gear… incomplete in appearance and dragging the entire experience down.