July 14th, 2005
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Twilight crawling through my windowpane
I have off this week, and after half a dozen plans fell apart, I ended up splitting my time in a number of ways. Saturday I was hungover from Friday’s ship party and the subsequent park wiffleball with some random kids I met in front of Shinjuku station, but Sunday I made an earnest effort at something and hitchhiked to Sendai for a couple days’ stay by the Hirose river, which ultimately was cut short by my inability to find a public bath and threatening rain. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday I slept without alarm until the early afternoon and spent most of my time napping and playing lots of video games (Lunar 2, Vice City, and Kingdom Hearts). My nights have been a string of single man drinking parties and feel good television (With Honors, Road Trip, Densha Otoko).
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Today I felt that despite the still lousy weather I should get out for a change and took a very slow meandering ride to Honnancho and back, via my navigational stalwart the Kanda River.
I kind of half-expected to come to a great personal resolution, revelation, or some other dynamic concept starting with ‘r’ in the course of all this time by myself, but before I even started vacation I kind of knew that putting pressure on myself to accomplish anything this week was really pointless, and so I’m only feeling very minorly dissatisified with myself. I have been eating and sleeping a fair amount, something that’s become a great unaffordable luxury in months past.
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Somewhere buried beneath all the discarded ramen cups and vitamin drink bottles is that glowing, pure jewel of innocence and expectation for a clean, beautiful future that brought me here in the first place, and though increasingly depressed and feeling powerless, I still believe it’s going to break out of all this leaden ennui and reemerge twice as powerful as before.
