July 31st, 2005
Another day at the beach thinking stupid things
Sometimes you do things for yourself. There is a way to live and that way isn’t constant, it changes everyday. Today that was is the beach.
Everyone (well almost everyone) loves the beach, but I _really_ love the beach. I was thinking on my way from the station about jobs and how you have to be prepared to collaborate with other people, or else nothing would get done. But you can’t give up what’s best for you for someone else everyday. There needs to be a degree of compromise. So, today I came to Enoshima again, a simple train ride on the Odakyu line for 610 yen and 73 minutes, not bad at all. I bargained with the umbrella rental lady and now I’m in the shade and drinking Asahi beer [actually a beer-like substance made from soybeans], listening to SMAP‘s “Bang Bang Vacance” on Yokohama radio while all the lovely girls walk by. The reason I can hear the radio is because I’m near the PA, so I get to listen to a great summer soundtrack with hits like Katrina and Waves and the cheery-voice chatter of perky Japanese female disc jockeys.
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Until the end of college summer is usually about the beach, or the pool, or something leisurely. Playing Nintendo everyday and falling asleep watching Adam Sandler movies. I’ve had a job every summer since I was fourteen and worked at the Hood College pool, trimming radioactive hedges and chasing ghosts with my number one fan Chris Blackledge. What would it take to take off for a summer? Or a year? I guess I’d have to quit my job because who’s going to let you go for 9-12 months and then take you back? So I’d need to quit, have good chances of finding another job, and about 24,000 dollars in savings. Maybe that’s retirement. But I think that I want that now. I’m not saying I want to stop working forever, just a sabbatical to focus on some projects at a reduced rate for scholarship’s sake. After a while I’m sure I’ll want to go back to the regular grind. What’s wrong with life being fluid like that? Fixed is so boring.
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On my way back from inspecting the oceanside beach vendor I must have looked like I was having a good time, or the man I met was. We had a brief conversation that went something like this.
Man: Dou desu ka? (What do you think?)
Me: (slightly tipsy) Hello!
Man: Hello!
Me: Tanoshii! (It’s fun!)
Me: Natsu da ne. (It’s summer, huh?)
Man: Sou ne. (Yeah.)
Then I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do next so I pretended to look at the snow cones and his GF came back from the bathroom. It was kind of cool, but I kinda wanted to talk to him more. Going to the beach alone gets kind of sad when you see everyone else having fun in groups. At one point some guy came up to my solitary oasis and kneeled down to give me a spiel about something involving custom shampoo he made himself, and he asked me if he could massage my head to try it out. Incredulous, I politely declined and wished him good look as he went on his way to solicit someone else for a complimentary beach-front scalp caressing.
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There is a god, and he tells the DJ at FLASH YOKOHAMA to play the GTA: Vice City sound track of Wave 103. Loverboy is on now, and I’m forty pages into Stranger in a Strange Land. I tried talking to some girls on the beach after about half an hour of debating what my intentions were (which probably led to my demise). I think in the end, honestly, I just wanted someone to talk to. I’m alone at the beach and it’s sad if everyone around you has family or friends close by. I just want to have fun and meet people. Life is a gift not be experienced alone, though people anywhere are generally wary, partially because of people like me. I remember the times when I would go out on a date any day of the week and not worry about anything…. and it makes me nostalgic and sad.
Is there a life where I can support myself and not worry every night about money, my schedule, or how late I’ll have to work tomorrow?
Acoustic guitars, Drama II, and Julie Herber will save me. I know it. I’m not destined for this. Love is being alive and only appreciating it.
[sketch of rose]
[At this point I got a pretty drunk and listened to "Bad" by U2 about five thousand times until I passed out.]
Believe that life is yours… a gift that is only yours to spend. If I live, it is enough, I think… why am I worrying so?
[Self-pitying diatribe goes here.]
