Let Me Let Go
Why are you following me? How come I can’t leave you behind? I’d been watching you, meaning to get to know you, but never had the courage to get past the outside cover with your lucid blue eyes and crooked smile. Then one day I did, and I wasn’t sure if it was right, your story made sense, and in a way I wanted to believe it was something great, but all the moments in between, the mundaneity, it left me disenchanted doubting what others had said about you. So I tried to speed it up, sought to consume you, to take you just for what you were and gain resolution. It was mechanical enough at first, burdensome at times, yet I was sure the best course lay on the path to burning out on your sunlight shores and cavernous depths.
But then something happened. The times we spent together, and the tedium we’d been through, it all began to make sense. There was more to you than I wanted to believe, and every time I came closer to actually saving you, the you I knew in both worlds, I let my guard down a little more and found something. Something I could hold on to through a night of sleep, something to take with me to work in the morning and pine for after lunchtime, something that made me start to love the crooked way you went about all the things I’d been trained in by others before.
And when it came time to say good bye, I almost couldn’t believe it was true. How had I woken up two months later after seeing you day after day, and now you were leaving? And not leaving with conclusion, like all the others, but leaving with the possibility of an near endless stream of ambiguous futures, more chances to win you back, each time on more intimiate terms than before. More chances, more temptations to love you. To go back through the motions, possibly all the more mundane the second or third time around, but possibly with a chance to find something new.
Still I couldn’t, I’d been through this so many times before with others, that out of instinct I had to put you down. I had to walk away and think, and find another, something new to believe in from the start and be destroyed at its conclusion in the deniable future. So I left, and you didn’t try to stop me. You just said your piece, and faded away, our memories stored in the process with magnetic media, available for recall on nights of loneliness and insobriety.
So now the only problem is I still can’t escape you. I shuffle the audio player and there you are, standing on the beach again with the half-cocked smile, backlit by a piano solo. What am I to do with you? What do you want with me? How can I go on like this, with only my desperate longing left inside? Don’t leave me like this, Kid, don’t leave me alone, Chrono Cross.