Me and You

summer of what to do
fell right back into you
and i still lie to you
awkward and in your room
but i’ve got something to prove
and i still lie to you
but what else could i do

we could be friends or family
it’s not on me yeah
we could be
everything you ever wanted now

i’ve got you
you’ve got me
there’s still something missing
we still dance around it
but why

summer of what to do
but summer is ending soon
and i still lie to you
lying there next to you
but we still play by your rules
and i still lie to you
but what else could i do

summer is ending
and with it i’m sending
you anything i think you’d like to you
i’m wrought with potential
and lost in this cycle
but there’s no escaping
what i’ve got to do

we’re making our best days
but you can’t stop thinking
no none of this will mean a thing to you
we’re perfect together
it’s not enough for her
there’s no shame admitting
the right thing to do

and we laugh everyday
but we throw it away
and i smile just the same
while you deny everything

i’ve got you
you’ve got me
you think something’s missing
we still dance
everybody knows it
it’s my way to tell you
everything is for you
i’ve got you
you’ve got me
and that’s all

The Great Escape Rocks

Out of the bat cave

This was a good weekend. I got to do what I enjoy best: exploring, learning, and taking pictures. I also was able to talk to some new people. If you talk to almost anyone the first time, there’s always a sense of freshness, hope, and innocence. I want to believe the more I talk to people the better I’ll get at it, and maybe somewhere along the way I’ll find a little peace. But for now at least I know I need to be the center of attention, whether because I’m spoiled or just lonely. I love two-way conversation. I want so much to believe that if I just be myself, people will like me for it. it’s so hard holding back all of the tempestuous fire in my heart that swells with the tides. Oh to be a dreamer and alone.

Jukai travels

When I was in elementary school, the annual book fair was always a time of great anticipation. How many yarn-tasseled Garfield bookmarks could I con mom into buying me this year? One time I bought a book, From the Mixed-up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. At the time I thought that it was related to Disney’s The Great Mouse Detective, in which the main character was named Basil. However, this was not the case as my mother informed me before buying it, but stubborn and not wanting to believe such depressing news, I insisted I knew this and wanted the book nonetheless. So, she bought it and it did indeed end up about being nothing about detectives or mice named Basil, but it was a very interesting read about two children who run away and live in a museum for a number of months. The image of all those toilets to oneself; the kind of comfort that comes only from the absolute pristine silence of dozens of toilets all to oneself, was strangely appealing. There is a similar line in the film With Honors; Joe Pesci makes such a comment about the bliss of living in a Harvard library.

I have a similar situation presented to me now, the only patron in a camping area with dozens of empty, tidily swept lodges. I enjoyed heavenly twenty minute trips to the ice cold toilets, slowly savoring my third read of The Dharma Bums.

Today was indeed a day spun in stories. Like a lot of times my assumptions and plans were all nonsense, but i was lucky to have people showing me the way. I climbed a 1200 meter mountain, I rode a horse, I picked my way through suicide woods at desk, I went spelunking in a bat cave, I bathed in hot water springs and ate one of the most perfect meals of my entire life. Twelve miles, thirteen hours, and a sense of deep satisfaction. I have half a bottle of the most delicious win but Japhy was right, in the mountains the air is thin and you don’t crave it. Kerouac was telling the truth, and I know how he felt…

Too physically active to drink, and something of completeness, and the hope to start a new direction in one’s life. The silence is almost maddening. [It was at least until a deer scream from the forest behind sent me quaking deeper into my Carinthia.]