November 1st, 2008
Phony
But that’s my problem. I go abroad now and I judge. I judge instinctively, without though, just looking at appearances or quickly estimating the situation. Fake, processed, fat, indulgent. No thanks, I’ll pass.
I wonder, could I do it again. Could I rip up roots and start in something completely different in a whole new atmosphere? Could I be happy like I am now in Japan? Is Japan my place because it really does fit me? Or did I just decide that it did, and change myself to fit it, because I was twenty-two, felt ostracized from the society I spent twenty-one years in and needed an identity so bad it burned?
It makes me wonder, and I think this is a very important issue in my life. Because it’s going to dictate what I do with my adulthood, who I choose to share it with. And most importantly, whether or not I’m fake.
