A poor Buddhist

So it’s come to my last day in Thailand. There has been so much packed into the first three days, routinely stating early in the morning, that I really can’t keep track of what’s happened I was thinking of going to Ko Kret today, but I’m so exhausted that I think I may just wander around Bangkok, taking the odd snapshot and looking for some groovy threads.

I wanted to have a mellow time and find some peace in visitn Ayutthaya, but the pressure I put upon myself to take pictures along with my health and the environment did just the opposite. By the end of the day I was so sick of photographing ruins that I couldn’t even finish the last four shots of Ektachrome on the roll. I was so aggravated that I was cursing everything under the sun for the bus ride home. The irony of this pitiful egotism was not lost on me, and I felt more than a little guilty for missing the point entirely. How pompous and superficial my thinking becomes at times. I need to reflect on this.

Buddhism isn’t about statues or temples, castles or amulets, it’s like most religions, a way of believing and acting, and one I haven’t been too good at. Just need to stop and think, without falling asleep for once.

Times change

Sometimes you come back to things and they aren’t just what you expect them to be. Times change. People change. That’s the way the cards fall, and you have to be ready to adapt to it.

Being back in southeast Asia is envigorating. The streetside chaos and crumbling disarray of public infrastructure is a nice change to the polished avenues I walk back home.

Boats, paint, trucks,
pastel, odd distribution of space
I’m stronger now, but more somber growing up, growing deeper into something.
Something here but not clear yet.
Something missing.
First breakfast.

Heading south

There’s always something dramatic about international travel, I’ve been in and out of the coutnry four times in the alst year and it still doesn’t get old. Maybe it’s because any reason worth spending over fifteen hundred dollars and a week for is a big deal; it better be for those kind of resources. The first time I flew on a plane as an adult was for my Microsoft job in 2000, ten years ago. I was such a rookie back then, wet behind the ears and fumbling through airports…

This time I’m heading to Thailand, my first visit to southeast Asia in six years. I’m travelling as usual with the prime motivation to shoot some new locations. I have my trustworthy A-1 and about 15 rolls of film with me, backed up by the Konica MG/D. I’m going to visit the ruins of old Thailand, a place I envision as quiet and mysterious, like something from Ico or Illusion of Gaia. There are about twelve temples for me to visit on my list, so I definitely have my work cut out for me.

assigning value to things
artificial life on print, in film
learning more about silver halides
the simple joy of pure science

Death and All of His Friends

There’s something I was supposed to do today… lots of things, actually. But for the life of me I can’t remember any of them. I am alive, very much so, but exhausted to my core and rind. There is an effervescent haze that encircles my every thought like a Shanghai summer, coughing up black.

Tomorrow I leave for Thailand, fulfilling my two international trips a year quota early. I want to be quiet and peaceful, I want to say little and listen much, I want to walk through ruins that look like the set of Ico and have ages’ old Buddhism seep into my subway-texting deadened pores and give me some kind of vibrance deeper than I can extract from any brown, small caffeine-laced bottle.

Oh the road so far out it doesn’t even make sense from a map or my mind. The texture of stone.

Birth of mass communication

この24時間はどうしてのか空前な写真家として充実な一日でした。昨日PLACE Mのワークショップに写真を見せずに90分の他の人の写真をじっくり分析した。他の素人をみると、自分がどこで前に間違えたのか振り替えて、まだ間違えてるところを洗い出す。目が覚めた。

昨夜遅くまで誕生日会で、午後までゆっくりして、SHANEを視て分析した。監督の精選はなぜそういう風にした。なるほど。

午後からMASUO亭の写真を撮るのが依頼されて、店の魅力を表現するために5Dと露出的にアンダーの環境で挑戦した。それ後夜with triangleの伊藤さんと出版業界について下北のFREE FACTORYに話し合いました。

紹介してくれたり、熱心が移ったり、レベルアップさせたり...

感謝。

感激。

出会える喜び

昨日代休を取って、海に行った。初めてクラゲが刺すの経験した。変な感じ。

今日色々作品を整理して、写真ワークショップ久しぶり出席した。夜にマイちゃんの誕生日会...カラオケ、ボウリング。なっくんが居た。古い友達と楽しめた。新しい人と知り合った。

心の中で、懐かしい好奇心が生えた。思案しています。

やわらかくて刺激的。

Waiting is.