autumn tactics

What is it that prompts emotional growth?  For biological things, nutrients and environment are the biggest factors, along with any motivated conditioning.  But what about love, compassion, or social awareness?  If one is loved does one learn love?  If one is shown compassion is it learnable? 

Physical growth is possible largely due to physical factors.  So is emotional growth based on emotional factors?  From my experience it seems like dramatic change prompts growth, however this may only be as the change is memorable, so the events immediately afterwards tend to be catalogued with more scrutiny.  Am I able to love as I do now because of thirty years of slow, accumulated caring?  Could I have realized these things any sooner if I had diverted more resources to the cause?  If that is the case, then we do have direct control over how growth as human beings.  Our free will permits us the opportunity to optimize this equation.  So it is quite true that a man is best judged not by what he has, but how he spends his time.

This is another thing I mean to understand more fully in my heart.  If I did there would be much less guilt in my life, and much more satisfaction.  Thanks to the powers that gave me the conscience to realize this.

Lights go out and I can’t be saved
Tides that I tried to swim against
You’ve put me down upon my knees
Oh I beg, I beg and plead (singing)

As I said before, life is a lot of constantly evolving ups and downs. I think I have a sleeping disorder. It didn’t really occur to me until my father said something, my brother is thinking of having surgery. Something with his nose and breathing normally. I can sleep for 8+ plus and I always feel a little sick in the morning. Last night I went to bed at 8:30 because I was feeling kind of sick, I woke up at about 4:45a this morning, but I figured that wasn’t enough sleep, especially if I was going to be at work for about 12 hours. So I went back to bed until 8. But I still felt lousy and had a hard time getting up. I don’t really remember waking up and feeling fantastic. It usually takes about 30-40 minutes before the nausea wears off. Oh well. Not much I can do about it in Japan, huh? I’m weird enough as it is just because I want to use antiperspirant.

My place is a mess….don’t ask. It _was_ clean Sunday afternoon, but now it’s a wreck. I don’t really mind because it only takes so long to clean up 55 square feet. It’s a good thing I live in on the fourth floor though, or the smaller inhabitants of this world make try to take advantage of the fact I’m never home but a few scraps of last night’s dinner are.

I thought this was going to be in an interesting post, but I guess not. Sorry. Well, I’m going to take the long way to work since I’m up and get a little fresh air.