October 10th, 2011

Growth

What is it that prompts emotional growth?  For biological things, nutrients and environment are the biggest factors, along with any motivated conditioning.  But what about love, compassion, or social awareness?  If one is loved does one learn love?  If one is shown compassion is it learnable? 

Physical growth is possible largely due to physical factors.  So is emotional growth based on emotional factors?  From my experience it seems like dramatic change prompts growth, however this may only be as the change is memorable, so the events immediately afterwards tend to be catalogued with more scrutiny.  Am I able to love as I do now because of thirty years of slow, accumulated caring?  Could I have realized these things any sooner if I had diverted more resources to the cause?  If that is the case, then we do have direct control over how growth as human beings.  Our free will permits us the opportunity to optimize this equation.  So it is quite true that a man is best judged not by what he has, but how he spends his time.

This is another thing I mean to understand more fully in my heart.  If I did there would be much less guilt in my life, and much more satisfaction.  Thanks to the powers that gave me the conscience to realize this.

August 8th, 2011

The outer rim

Music has a purpose than runs so deep you couldn’t dig it out with a thousand shovels.  It leaves marks on your heart so deep you couldn’t scrub them off with a thousand brushes.  It can be your companion, or your teacher; your drug or your daily bread.  You can alienate those all around you, or bring them together tighter than spun gold.  The music can create is well as destroy, die on the radio or live forever in the hearts of the believers.

What will you have it do with you?

August 8th, 2011

The outer rim

Music has a purpose than runs so deep you couldn’t dig it out with a thousand shovels.  It leaves marks on your heart so deep you couldn’t scrub them off with a thousand brushes.  It can be your companion, or your teacher; your drug or your daily bread.  You can alienate those all around you, or bring them together tighter than spun gold.  The music can create is well as destroy, die on the radio or live forever in the hearts of the believers.

What will you have it do with you?

April 17th, 2011

Technology watering down existence

At the beginning of my first serious foray into online presence, I had three things: a portfolio to get a job, a blog, and a Friendster account. The first became largely irrelevant after I was hired and moved out to Tokyo two weeks from graduation, and the latter was fraught with a lack of relevance and style, which quickly led it to obscurity. However, the blog, is something that I’ve more or less kept at faithfully for the better part of eight years. I began writing of my explorations in this fantastic land, and quickly supplemented that with the angst of trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to be. If it was one thing you could count on it was my endless stream of diatribes yearning for import.

Over time I began to find my place, through the kindness of others and the occasional burst of learning from my own stubborn demands that the world fit my narrow-minded vision of right and wrong. I moved from writing about stray cats and working on weekends to endless, repeated praise for trance music and what I quaintly cherished as community. Then at some point I decided to start doing something public with my photography, whether people recognized me for it or not, and thus we arrived at end of the decade. In the time since ubiquitous computing (to use a word that was en vogue with SIGCHI when I was in college), the fragmentation of platforms, portals, and people has made it harder and harder to be noticed, with each microtransaction of communication becoming far and far less meaningful, any rare original thought swallowed in a sea of chaff.

Sheepishly I now realize that I’ve probably driven away the three or four actual people I had reading this public journal with the advent of my adoption of that watered-down sinkhole of information exchange Facebook. I say so much more often so much less, that it leads me to wonder in twenty years’ time will my children find interest in reading my journal or my tweets? The answer is probably neither, but just the same I’m glad I took the time to sit down and actually think about what I was doing before six months went by and I was scratching my head why 2011 felt so much more empty than any of the other years in recent past.

It’s most likely not a coincidence that the speed and density of my current background music, The Plateaux of Mirror, is likely nearly half that of the floor-rattling trance I usually have on at this time of night. Thank you Mr. Eno for helping me collect my thoughts and appreciate the last forty minutes a little more.

Now the real irony is I started this entry meaning to write about love… but there we have it, the attention span of mankind pared to a millisecond.

March 19th, 2011

Kick it to the road

The fat bass, the breakdown, some ethereal chorus over a pad that’s been used over and over for the last twenty years. Snap and it picks back up, analysts would say that the predictability of trance is what makes it so soothing to people. Of course we’re going to like what we know. I never accrue a tolerance to its potent formula.

Thirteen years and it grips me all the more. To the crowds, the cheers, the crackling energy spread across a network of hearts desperately yearning for release.

What we all need now is a little planned chaos, what we all need right now is a rave.

Trance will see me through crisis again
.

March 7th, 2011

Melodic Trance

Music can save your soul.

With time comes change, change for all people. Fads fade and bandwagons break, the angst of youth is obviated by personal success. But although my love of rave culture, of trance will change, it will never wilt and die. It will only grow stronger with age, as will my heart. I will always be a raver, singing the praises of peace, love, unity, and respect woven in the tapestry of electronic music until the day I die.

Above & Beyond isn’t here just to make something out of music, they’re here to motivate and inspire us to make something of ourselves.

February 1st, 2011

1-2 again

It’s 11/2/1, or 1/2/11. Whatever format you choose, listen to 1-2, it has been and always will be the dirge for the vacuum created by my hubris.

December 4th, 2010

This applies to everything

I have a lot of theories that form the framework for my philosophy. Like most people, they’re a cobbled amalgamation of experience, stories, consumed media and things I don’t quite correctly remember someone saying.

One thing that I currently put stock into though is the process for learning something, in particular a craft. Without going into too much detail, a cornerstone of the process is being to judge quality dispassionately. In the critical evaluation of an expression’s fulfillment of the art form, growth may be obtained through practice. Without the ability to separate the wheat from the chaff, there’s no basis to evaluate one’s work and all that ends up being produced is garbage. Unfortunately, I don’t have enough critical ability to evaluate music right now, and it’s impeding my composition. Without this I just paddle around in circles modifying the same elements over and over feeling that something is “wrong”, but not knowing what to do about it.

With software engineering, and to a lesser extent mechanical and electrical, I can tell you what is done well and what is not. It’s easier to build these skills because in science right and wrong is a lot more cut and dry. With photography, from an implementation standpoint I can hold my own, expression-wise things become a little fuzzy. In any case, musically I’m hamstrung by this and I need to grok the difference between “good” and “bad” when it comes to rhythm and timbre.

November 14th, 2010

24 Hours

There are forces buried inside of me that I cannot comprehend; laying dormant, inactive. I could live a lifetime never knowing they exist were it not for a chance combustion. Music as a concept as a pure rod of unscored metal, a blank key with limitless possibilities. From the moment we are born until the day we die, we could listen to every composition ever conceived and not find the exact match for the signature of our soul.

But there is a flash, a moment, when that discovery is made, and all of the tumblers fall into place. The combination is complete– a maelstrom of fervor and ectasy is unlocked. The discovery of a lifetime, the infinite sequencing of the mind dissolved. My eternal key is Mat Zo’s 24 Hours. [Right around the three-minute mark my restraint unwinds....]

November 10th, 2010

ある種の運命

本格的に写真を撮り始めたは2006年です。日本へ移住した四年目、その年色んな区切りとなる時期がありました。愛と出会って恋に落ちた。レイブに行く頻度が上がって、友達の輪が数人だけから広がりました。

なぜ写真を本格的に撮って始まったか。振り返るとコンパクトデジカメの画質に限界もなったし、展示するのことを考え始まった。自分が感じていることは凄く濃くて、経験したことが美しく過ぎて、もう頭がおかしくなると思った。人生からの眩しい誠喜びを誰かとシェアしないといけないと思った。それで、その気持ちを他の人に再現するため、第一歩で芸術的にフィルムの世界に入りました。

November 6th, 2010

Night Shift

Silent Hill 3?

I’ve been thinking about moving recently, to Shimokitazawa, perhaps, to be closer to an active community of young, frenetic artists. However, since I’ve purchased an amazing Presta valve-compatible foot-activated pump for the Trek, I’ve been immensely enjoying riding up and down the Yamanote Line. This bicycle is a golden chariot nimble as a scalpel when slicing up smooth pavement. And the roads at three in the morning are blessedly barren of traffic, so I dart through intersections with the whistle of the wind in my ears.

From my ideally located command center in Yoyogi, in fifteen minutes I can get anywhere from Takadanobaba to halfway between Ebisu and Shibuya on this baby, every sinew loving the efficient euclidean bond between my feet and the Huret drivetrain.

Tonight I left work around nine-thirty, tried to take the Enjoy to Cosmos Cafe in Shibuya (but had to leave it in the parking lot with a flat), taxied up Miyasamazaka to see the Kawaki sisters’ dance, and then sped home to print up more flyers for the show. Around one-thirty I pried myself away from Beer Fest and beat up Meiji Street to catch Mayu’s DJ set at Emotional Signal in Waseda. Now it’s past four and I am almost exhausted. The standard fair six hours’ sleep, and tomorrow I help Okada-san move. Ah, joie de vivre.

October 28th, 2010

One album at a time

Gentenkaiki 12 photos are up.

October 25th, 2010

鮮やか

今はスキャンと整理中の写真はちょっとキャパオーバーしてるから、なかなか仕上がらないけど、原点回帰の写真は恐らく水曜日にアップロードします。

October 22nd, 2010

Burning through

Working through Gentenkaiki film, two rolls of Centuria left to scan… so very tired, and going to be in the darkroom until midnight tomorrow… exhausted much?

October 21st, 2010

上り詰める

Riding on a zephyr, under the full moon, my star is rising.